Chicken Soup for the Homicidal Soul
by caitthecursed
Summary: The only thing worse than having the stomach flu is being taken care of by Naruto Uzumaki. NaruSasu, rated for language and middle school humor.


"Wake up, asshole. I've got a surprise, and you're really gonna love this one. It's like, the greatest surprise anyone has ever sprung on you. Prepare to have your mind blown."

Sasuke made a noise that was rarely accomplished with human vocal cords.

"Don't be like that, sweet cheeks. I'll give you a hint—it's big and hot and it's gonna feel so good in your mouth."

"Nnnngh. Fuckoffandie."

"Aw, come on. You know I wouldn't make you do it this early in the morning—not that I'd complain or anything, and I know how much you love to…"

The next noise Sasuke made sounded like death. Naruto pulled the comforter back, peering down at the exposed nest of black hair. "Hey, sorry for screwing around. I brought you hot chocolate. Nobody can say no to hot chocolate, right?"

Sasuke pulled the blanket down to expose his face. His ashy expression conveyed that, indeed, it was possible to have an emphatically negative reaction to offers of hot chocolate. A moment later, said emphatically negative reaction was splattered all over Naruto's pants.

"Eugh! God, Sasuke, why didn't you tell me you were feeling like shit?"

Bloodshot eyes narrowed, sending a chill down Naruto's spine. If he had given in to his urge to tenderly smooth Sasuke's hair, he would now be missing several fingers. Thank God for small miracles.

"Oh, baby." He patted Sasuke's head with the caution of one attempting to pet a cactus. "I'll go get you some water."

The final noise that Sasuke made was tiny and miserable, but it managed to say "I don't actively wish violent death on you right now," which almost made up for the pants. Naruto went to the bathroom to fetch water and strip out of his soiled clothes (he was sure that while healthy Sasuke would have his head for leaving them balled up in the shower, sick Sasuke was really in no position to complain). When he returned, Sasuke was curled in on himself, nothing but spiky tufts of black hair visible over the comforter. Naruto pulled back the blankets and climbed into bed next to him.

"I'm sorry I made blowjob jokes when you were feeling nasty." Naruto rubbed light circles into Sasuke's back, noticing how warm he felt even through his shirt. Sasuke made a little sound and burrowed into the pillow, pale hands clutching the bed sheets. He looked like he wanted to die, and it made Naruto's own stomach twist.

"Shh," he murmured, pressing himself against Sasuke's back and wrapping an arm around him. "It's okay. I can stay here all day, until you start feeling better. Just let me know if you need anything."

Sasuke's pained trembling seemed to subside a bit. Naruto smiled—not because of Sasuke's misery, of course, but because it was nice to feel needed. It wasn't like Sasuke was in any position to be making threats—to be perfectly honest, the Uchihas had no right to demand terrified adoration when they bred china-pale, fragile-boned pretty boys.

…It was a bit unnerving just _how_ pretty he looked, actually. Naruto was firmly attracted to people who could kill him with both hands tied, but the porcelain skin and black eyes deep enough to drown in didn't hurt. And the simple truth was that Sasuke's current condition had leeched the blood from his face, and his eyes were smudged dark from lack of sleep. Anyone would find that attractive—it was, like, Human Sexuality 101. Just ask Ino or Sakura.

Sasuke whimpered again, arching against Naruto and burying his face in the pillow. He was very clearly miserable. He very clearly longed for death. He would very clearly love to escape his body by any means possible…

Fuck it. Only an Uchiha could be this violently ill and look like he was actually enjoying it.

"Naruto," he moaned softly. He dug his nails into Naruto's wrist, pressing his face into the pillow and baring a long expanse of creamy throat. Naruto swallowed hard.

"I'm right here," he murmured, voice husky.

"Naruto, why are you naked?"

Well, shit.

"You barfed on my clothes, remember?"

"As if I could forget." He relaxed a bit, squeezing Naruto's hand. "And if that erection touches me again, I'm ripping it off."


End file.
